absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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