mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize