i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
