The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need water and some morals
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
