i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
