just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
