smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
