theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
