mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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