I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
