he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
