I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
