I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
