Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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