Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
