shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
