just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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