as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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