There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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