I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
