pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
