i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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