There was a lot of him and a little penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
