My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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