she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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