I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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