So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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