I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
