If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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