Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
