careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
