She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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