You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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