Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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