I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.