im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover