I'm retarded. Again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.