I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night