I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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