i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
