when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
