Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
