i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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