I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
