I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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