if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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