Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
