At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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