we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You made out with two different species that night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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