You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
