yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
