Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
zippers are such a cool invention
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
