The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
