He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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