why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
