i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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