I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
