Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
