His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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