I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn