That's intense
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
